His love is suffering

He told me his love is suffering
How can his love be suffering?

Because my hands hurt when it’s too cold outside so he does all the shoveling and scraping of snow for me
Because the smell of dirty dishes in the sink makes me gag so he pulls the plug on the water that sat for too long and cleans the dishes for me
Because I care so much about my career that I sometimes forget to buy groceries for days or weeks or yes even at times months so we survive on noodles and eggs and anything else that he can find

For all of these reasons his love is suffering

Because I could definitely figure out how to reset the router when the internet goes out but I don’t need one more thing to be in charge of so he fixes it when he gets home
Because I always say I’ll get gas in my car in the morning but the morning comes and I drive it on empty so he fills the tank for me after we’re both home from a long day
Because I’m all in on everything I do and whether he likes it or not he’s all in on it too so he comes to the parties and the functions and he’s polite enough but also offensive enough but I know he’d rather be inside of an engine than inside of a bourbon glass but he’s there anyways

These are just some of the reasons he tells me his love is suffering

Because nothing is ever good enough for me then nothing is ever done enough for me so even when something is very good and very done he pushes even further and gets lost in details that only matter to me

Because my dog is the sweetest soul on the planet but she only tolerates him and he only tolerates her so when I’m too busy to take her to the vet he does it but he hates it but he does it

Because everything I’ve ever wanted is exactly what I have and it just makes me want more so he works his ass off to give me more but then I just want more

He tells me for these reasons that his love is suffering

And I don’t know how to tell him that I can’t find the right place to put the comma in all of this.

Because his love is suffering, so he does all the things in life that cause me stress so I don’t have to.
Because his love is suffering, he does anything and everything in his power to bear the burden of the things I’ve deemed too heavy, too annoying, too cold, or too boring.

Because his love is suffering, he shows up exactly where I need him, regardless of if he wants to be there too.

And I still don’t feel exactly right about these commas, but then again, when he told me his love was suffering, I knew that mine was too.

Because the truth of the matter is that I’ll study these commas even if it’s the death of me. I lived far away and suffered his absence so that one day, after much studying of commas and cadence, I’d find a way to package up all our suffering to make him proud. And the way that it pains my hands to scrape an inch of ice from my windows, sitting down to write an email pains his hands, too. My wonderful, miserable man, I’ll suffer that for you.

I don’t think that suffering is listed in the rest of those books as a language of love, but in our story it’s written on every page. Some days we suffer small things - chores, errands, surviving. Some days we’ve suffered big things - sacrifices, priorities, and again, somehow - surviving.

You have suffered every day for me. Somehow you’ve suffered every way for me. I hope these commas find you well, and I hope, my love, keeps suffering you.